When Parents Are The Bullies

Perhaps you are tired of me getting on my soapbox to complain about the way some children are abused by the people who should be protecting them. I will stop getting on my soapbox when people stop abusing children. Protecting them is not synonomous with a lack of discipline. Children need boundaries and structure, and with them they will not only behave better but will feel more secure and more loved. They do NOT, however, need to be beaten into submission or tortured by cigarette burns or any other inhumane treatment. Today's news carried a story of a stepfather who allegedly beat his 12-year old stepson AND made him eat two screws (perhaps they are the screws that this guy has loose because no intelligent, mature adult would force a child to eat metal screws). Only a sadistic bully does something like that OR a lunatic! We must all get sick to death of these stories so that we can somehow stop the madness and unbelievable treatment some children are forced to endure. How do we expect these children to grow up and know how to behave and not become bullies themselves? Children learn by example, and I am incredibly appalled at the pitiful examples that some parents, step-parents and guardians are setting for children. Do you have any ideas of what we can do for these poor children? Please share your ideas and comments with me. Child Protective Services cannot handle all of the cases they already have, and as we have read and heard many times they have dropped the ball resulting in deaths of children. Surely there is a solution. Please help find it.

Is Learning To Drive More Important Than Learning How To Be A Parent?

Two toddlers in Alaska were allegedly punished for wetting their beds by being locked in a room with a window open when the outside temperature was 30 degrees below zero. One of the children froze to death, and the other little one is in a hospital with hypothermia. I am sick to death of reading about children being abused or killed by the people who should be taking care of them and protecting them. Single parents who allow boyfriends, girlfriends or step-parents to harm their children are equally if not more guilty in my opinion. Can our education systems do more to teach children how to be responsible adults before they actually become parents? In order to drive an automobile we deem it necessary that kids receive training, and take written and physical driving tests before obtaining a license. While I agree that is essential for public safety, should there be a test or training to ensure an individual is fit to be a parent? Even individuals who are good parents sometimes have trouble coping with the stresses of child-rearing. Children cry, children wet their beds, children get sick, children get cranky! How many more children are going to suffer or die before serious consideration is given to educating people to help them determine if they will be suitable parents? Perhaps if they realized they were not cut out to be parents they might think twice about getting pregnant or about allowing boyfriends, girlfriends or step-parents to harm their children. Heaven help the children who are in harm's way!

Losing Things - Like Moral Compasses

The Penn State scandal has just made me ill. Our justice system says that we are innocent until proven guilty, but from the media coverage it would seem the only true innocence was that of the alleged victims. Even though I am not a sports fan (in the true sense of the word), I have always known who Coach Paterno is and his stellar reputation. To see his career end in such a tawdry, ignoble way is a disappointment to so many. I don't know what to think about the grad student who witnessed one of the alleged episodes of molestation. I keep asking myself WHY did he not intervene to rescue the child who was being molested? Why, indeed! While I can accept that witnessing something like that would be completely shocking and unsettling, I cannot imagine that any decent person would not try to intervene immediately to rescue a child. And then I feel certain a decent person would contact the local police at once to be sure that no other child would fall prey to such abuse. When all is said and done, this news is one more indication that the moral compass of our society has been lost.

When The Wrong People Have Children

Today I cannot blog about my intended topic because I am so disturbed over two things in the news. The first one is about a father who allegedly tossed his crying 7-year old son overboard from a harbor cruise boat after slapping him and threatening to throw him overboard in front of about 80 other passengers. Another boater rescued the boy although the news article said the father did dive in to get him (as if that somehow makes him a good father). I realize children can try our patience at times, but there are constructive, non-threatening ways to deal with them. I am not a swimmer, and even as a mature adult the idea of someone throwing me overboard would be enough to traumatize me. To do it to a young child is just unconscionable and abusive and is not something that little boy is ever likely to forget. The other news article that is beyond horrible is about a boy who died because the two people who should have been parenting him withheld water from him for about a week. There are so many people who would love to have children and are unable to for various reasons, and then there seem to be ever-increasing numbers of people having children who neither want them, are capable of parenting them, and who will end up being abusive in so many ways that the children cannot help but grow up as damaged human beings. I continue to find it appalling that people must take tests and obtain licenses to drive a car, ride a motorcycle, sell real estate, practice medicine or dentistry, teach school, and a host of other things but for the most important job in the world any ill-prepared, unkind, troubled person can bring a life into this world with no qualifications, no skills, no resources, and even no desire to raise that child appropriately. What is wrong with this picture? Many of our sweetest, most vulnerable citizens are helpless and at the mercy of people who are themselves obviously damaged by the way they were raised. As our society sinks deeper into selfishness, bad behavior, and economic despair I fear the number of children suffering is going to increase. I write this blog for people who have children, who want children, grandchildren, or foster children; and I implore anyone reading this blog to parent your children well and help others who may be struggling with the role of parenthood. If you or someone you know need help or advice, if you have trouble with anger, if you have a difficult child due to a disability of any kind, don't take it out on the child. Seek advice and help. Help is available, and my hope is that someday there will be no children harmed by the people who are supposed to love, nurture, protect and guide them.